Friday, July 8, 2022
I had tried to be as understanding as possible all these while. I tried to understand you needed some sleep after hanging out with your friends till morning.
Where did I go wrong till I deserved that kind of treatment? Don't you think you were at fault? Was this the first time it happened? You can see it for yourself, the difference in the way we talked when we were not in good terms with each other.
Just because I scolded you right after you woke up, it ruined your mood. You will never notice my efforts to make you happy. I even planned everything for you since you were the "prince" on that day. Not to mention that what I said to you was exactly the same thing you once told me. I was using back the same words you called me (I'm fucked up, tak gune). I don't think you even realized how harsh it sounded when you called me that every single time. You can see it for yourself how pissed off you were, but what about me? It's really plain selfish. You used those words on me as if it's nothing but when it comes to my turn, you acted like I was verbally abusing you big time. So am I supposed to apologize? No. I've been way too strong to harbor my feelings. It's one sided. It's unfair.
Yes I am rough physically, but you will never know how fragile I am. You will never understand the sadness I felt upon reading your messages. The guy whom I thought has changed had gone back to his old ways. It's not about triggering but rather how you react to the situation. If I can mend my ways of being unreasonable and demanding back then, I don't see the reason why can't you. Words will never describe how disappointed, heartbroken, sad I felt to be called names again. If you can't take it with the way I spoke otp, think again. I've been called that numerous times, yet I still put a smile on my face and tell myself it was my mistake (though sometimes i'm not at fault at all). I've been giving in too much, just letting you know if you feel you're the one who's always sacrificing. Just count the number of times you and I apologized, you'll notice the big gap.
Love has no boundaries, you're willing to do anything for your loved ones. I bought you a shirt that day, gave you back your ring as promised. I came to your house to pass them to you. I could pass them the next time but I felt it won't be special anymore. I tried to put up a brave front. What did I get in return? A middle finger pointing towards me at the doorstep. Nevertheless, I tried my best to contain my feelings until I went out.
"I dont like it n i dont like u. Fucking disgusting." "Buto tu cincin buang pat aetos sudah. Ngan kau skali aku buang. Fucking worthless shit." That was what you replied me. Sounds harsh? I guess not, cause it didn't happen to you.
You will never understand the struggles I faced all these while. I was utterly sad and heartbroken to know it came from you. Your "pillar of hope" suddenly became a piece of shit who doesn't mean anything in your life. Like a trash. One can never understand how deeply affected I was, crying all the way back home. You will never know how many times I cried because of your harsh words. Neither did you realize I had been giving you a lot of chances to mend your ways too (I doubt anyone would be able to tolerate it too). I could've walk away long time ago but I chose not to cause I know you gave me chances for me to change. I did, what about you? It felt like I'm really useless in your life even if you're gonna say you said those things out of anger. You will never feel what I feel.
I was always the one to make the first move to settle any problems between us. No one asked me to do this - there's a word called initiative. Communication, understanding and trust are essential in relationships. I believe one day you'll do the same thing too.
Is that why you chose to take advantage of me? Cause you know in every breakups or arguments I will come back to you. The more I came running towards you, the more you pushed me away. Is that the reason why you have never come back for me, knowing I'll make the first move? Because I feel that way. It's sad to know I'm putting in a lot of effort to make things right all the time.
I waited 2 years for you. It may be just 5 days in camp but there wasn't a day where I didn't miss you. You told me you will not ask for breakups as and when you wish. You told me you will try to stop using harsh words on me. I thought it might end for good, but I was wrong.
Yesterday's incident made me feel I was somehow underappreciated. How confident are you that I will come back for you again? Everyone has their own limits. One day if I finally decided to walk away, there will be no turning back. I've done more than I could, saving our relationship every single time cause of love and I don't expect anything in return. All I'm asking is for you to at least appreciate me. Respect me as your girlfriend, not a casual friend where you can call them whatever you want when you're angry. I have feelings too. If I can respect you as a partner, why can't you. If you don't like to be called names, don't do it to others cause if you can't handle them, it shows how plain selfish you are.
You've always told me to put myself in your shoes. I did, that's why I am who I am now. Now it is your turn to put yourself in my shoes. How would you feel being called names, being rejected by your own partner, taking the initiative to make things right and apologizing when you shouldn't? We have our own sacrifices, but if it's repeating over and over again, something must be done to put to a stop - settling them in a good manner and talk things out.
I really, really hope you do a self-reflection on this. I've done mine, which explains why I'm able to understand you more now. Hope you do the same thing too. Cause I feel its seriously rude to call your partner that way. I nak u sedar selama ni I diam tak bermaksud I takde perasaan. Boleh makan diri jugak.
If you really love and care for me, you will try to mend your ways.
On a side note, congrats on your ORD. (:
No words can describe how thankful I am to be blessed with a beautiful angel whom I call my wife, my soulmate and mother to my child.To my dearest wifey Effa Syahirah, Happy 26th Birthday to you Sayang! Me and Boboi love you so much! We love you ibuuu! ♡ (For now. Mummy later when Boboi learns how to talk.)Dear Wifey, today marks your first birthday since you gave birth to our only baby boy, Emmirul Hannaz. I still remember the days when we were arguing trying to decide on his name. Those were precious moments I'll never forget till this day. I saw your sacrifices during labour trying to give birth to our little king. It made me realise how strong you are as a person, a wife and a mother. You displayed an undying spirit only one could imagine and I was humbled by your relentless will to fight thru the endless traumatic pain and torture giving birth to our baby. Alhamdulillah, it was all worth it.All these years, I never knew you were capable of being this resilient. In fact, you're undoubtedly more resilient than I am as a man. I was told that I had to be strong in order for you to stay strong but the reality was.. watching you stayed strong, was the reason I had to stay strong. You proved to me that you're more that just a woman. You're a superwoman. A woman I am proud to respect and it wouldn't hurt me a single bit to admit all these traits that you possessed. You're an inspiration to us. You make me want to be a better husband and father to keep up with what you have provided for our family. I know this might make you cringe a bit but anyone who is willing to put her own life on the line for my child fully deserved the honour to be called Ibu. The highest of honour. It's not something you chose but it's a title we bestowed upon you. You've earned it. Whether or not you want to use it, would be a different story. No obligations.Today we celebrate you. You deserve nothing but the best. I pray that you will be blessed with health, wealth and happiness and may Allah grant us more blessings in the future with his permission in shaa Allah. Amin.Happy Birthday Sayang! :)
Eppachooluv
12:00 AM
12:00 AM
Saturday, October 10, 2020
DEAR EFFA SYAHIRAH,
I LOVE YOU.
YOURS TRULY
HASRUL
Eppachooluv
5:37 AM
5:37 AM
HASRUL HERE.
OK SO HERE'S THE THING. THIS IS GOING TO BE A SHORT ONE. SO JUST BEAR WITH ME, ALRIGHT?
TIMECHECK: 0453HRS. 10/10/2020.
OK I KNOW YOU THINK I'VE TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT OUR BLOG. TRUTH IS, I THINK ABOUT THIS BLOG EVERY NIGHT BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP. I'VE YET TO POST A NEW ENTRY SINCE.. WAIT.. I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHEN. IT HAS GOTTEN SO BAD THAT IT HAUNTS ME. I FEAR WAS IF THIS WAS LEFT UNATTENDED TILL OUR BIG DAY. BUT THAT SHALL NOT HAPPEN AS I'VE PROMISED MYSELF TO UPDATE THIS BLOG BEFORE WE GET MARRIED! AND TODAY.. IS THE DAY. IN FACT, THIS IS MY NUMBER 1 WISHLIST BEFORE WE GET MARRIED. IT'S LIKE MAKING SURE THIS BLOG LIVES ON JUST LIKE OUR UNDYING LOVE FOR EACH OTHER. SOUNDS CHEESY BUT I LOOOVE CHEESE. OK SO HERE'S THE BREAKDOWN OF THE TIMELINE SINCE I LAST UPDATED:
FAILED O'LEVELS -> NITEC IN SERVICE SKILLS (OFFICE) -> HIGHER NITEC IS HOSPITALITY OPERATIONS -> NS (1GDS) -> REJECTED POLYTECHNIC COURSE OFFER -> CERTIS CISCO (APO) -> ENGAGED WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE -> ABOUT TO BE OFFICIALLY MARRIED! (MAY ALLAH EASE OUR AFFAIRS IN A FEW HOURS TIME).
OK I KNOW THERE ARE UNNECESSARY TOPIC I INCLUDED SUCH AS REJECTED POLY OFFER BUT THIS IS JUST TO REMIND MYSELF OF THE TOPICS I WANT TO SHARE IN THIS BLOG IN SHAA ALLAH IN FUTURE POSTINGS. THESE VERY TOPICS ARE VALUABLE PARTS OF MY LIFE AND HOLD MEANINGFUL MEMORIES.
WITH THAT SAID I'LL COMPLETE MY PRE-WEDDING WISHLIST AND I HOPE TO BE BLESSED WITH TIME TO SHARE MORE. SEE YOU.
Eppachooluv
5:19 AM
5:19 AM
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
In just a blink of an eye, I've graduated with a Diploma certificate. How time flies. These three years had taught me valuable lessons in life which will never be forgotten. Reminiscing those days, first few weeks of school to be exact where I would constantly complained about quitting school because three years seems a long time. Some may say it is just a Diploma cert, however it takes more than just a dream. This is the most memorable milestone I've achieved by far. Good and bad times do happen, such as having to retake Mechanics module, which was also risking my chances on graduating on time. Thanks to the wonderful lecturers (faci) who went to the extra mile by requesting special arrangements just for us, the ones who could possibly graduate this year. And I am beyond thankful for them.
I'm definitely not a morning person which explains my punctuality issues to classes almost daily. Especially for Mechanics re-module lessons will I made the extra effort to arrive early or be punctual. And Alhamdulillah, all my efforts being put into this module paid off - I managed to clear that module thus able to graduate! YAY.
As I look back over the achievements I accomplished in my life, it made me realize that I've went a long way to obtain this cert. That was one hell of a ride for me. A very memorable experience indeed. Sweet things will happen with perseverance and the right attitude.
These achievements will not be awarded hadn't been for my loved ones who would constantly been there for me. My Fiance, soon-to-be-husband played a huge role since day one. Only God knows how tough and challenging it was with obstacles coming in along the way. This man, other than my family is the reason behind my success in my academic journey and I'm glad he's proud of me, because yes, this certificate is dedicated for both parties - my family and my soulmate. Thank you so much for coming down to witness my special day as it means a lot to me, something I've always hoped to happen. My dreams have finally come true.
P.S: Sayang, thank you so much once again. Iloveyou to the moon and back.
This is for you. InsyaAllah, this will not be the end.
Eppachooluv
1:14 AM
1:14 AM
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Late at nights are the best to express our thoughts and feelings. Today marks the 3rd month you work for Cisco. Disputes are unavoidable between us but I'm glad we still managed to clear the air. Nothing else makes me happy watching you doing the things you love. You're now officially a working adult, bearing heavier responsibilities both for your family and yourself.
Few weeks ago we had a misunderstanding regarding your job. Please bear this in mind; I will always be proud regardless of what you do (for the right things duh). Believe in yourself and things will go smoothly. Always bear this in mind, that I am here if you need someone to talk to.
Take care love. Stay safe at work. Iloveyou.
Eppachooluv
12:25 AM
12:25 AM
Sunday, May 21, 2017
Friday 19th.
Where do I start from... let's start off with the text message.
Everything was sweet and sounded sincere. It made me happy seeing your changes.
It made me feel excited to see you after school, to celebrate the big day -
115th monthsary and your ord. I thought that that was one of the happiest days
in our lives. Until that afternoon.
I don't see any reason why I should apologize. Don't you think you
should be the one doing it? I'll help you refresh your memory in case you
forgot. You told me to call at 2pm so that you could fetch me from school.
(Should go out by 3pm cause I ended at 4pm right?) I called. Then you whatsapp
me saying you'll go out at 330 instead, fine I don't mind even tho I was
disappointed. At least I could meet you somewhere along the mrt stations. Then
I called you at 415 while I was walking towards woodlands mrt. You answered,
and you were still at home sleeping.
Now tell me, which part did I do wrong? Was I wrong for scolding
for not keeping up your promises? Was this the first time something like this
happened? Did you even think before you speak? Did you even realize what you
were saying? No. You were just plain selfish. All you cared was yourself. You
didn't spare a thought for me at all.
You had no idea how I used to rush to fetch you from camp if I
wasn't schooling. You had no idea how I used to rush from school just to travel
to the east to meet you. Every Friday without fail, I will try my very best to
reach on time. I was always looking forward to meet you. During the holidays,
you will never know how I rushed to bring food for you so you could eat them after
bookout. Despite having a few hours of sleep regularly, I always told myself it's
gonna be worth it - afterall I'm not doing this for anyone else. The meals I
made for you might be simple, but I had to wake up 4 hours before reaching camp
(1.5 hours travelling time, 45 mins getting ready, 1 hr 45 mins to cook). Most
of the time I had to wake up even earlier to do housework too (drying clothes)
which took a total of 2 hours. Calculate everything and it will add up to
almost 5-6 hours before your bookout time. Still, I managed to reach on time.
I had tried to be as understanding as possible all these while. I tried to understand you needed some sleep after hanging out with your friends till morning.
Where did I go wrong till I deserved that kind of treatment? Don't you think you were at fault? Was this the first time it happened? You can see it for yourself, the difference in the way we talked when we were not in good terms with each other.
Just because I scolded you right after you woke up, it ruined your mood. You will never notice my efforts to make you happy. I even planned everything for you since you were the "prince" on that day. Not to mention that what I said to you was exactly the same thing you once told me. I was using back the same words you called me (I'm fucked up, tak gune). I don't think you even realized how harsh it sounded when you called me that every single time. You can see it for yourself how pissed off you were, but what about me? It's really plain selfish. You used those words on me as if it's nothing but when it comes to my turn, you acted like I was verbally abusing you big time. So am I supposed to apologize? No. I've been way too strong to harbor my feelings. It's one sided. It's unfair.
Yes I am rough physically, but you will never know how fragile I am. You will never understand the sadness I felt upon reading your messages. The guy whom I thought has changed had gone back to his old ways. It's not about triggering but rather how you react to the situation. If I can mend my ways of being unreasonable and demanding back then, I don't see the reason why can't you. Words will never describe how disappointed, heartbroken, sad I felt to be called names again. If you can't take it with the way I spoke otp, think again. I've been called that numerous times, yet I still put a smile on my face and tell myself it was my mistake (though sometimes i'm not at fault at all). I've been giving in too much, just letting you know if you feel you're the one who's always sacrificing. Just count the number of times you and I apologized, you'll notice the big gap.
Love has no boundaries, you're willing to do anything for your loved ones. I bought you a shirt that day, gave you back your ring as promised. I came to your house to pass them to you. I could pass them the next time but I felt it won't be special anymore. I tried to put up a brave front. What did I get in return? A middle finger pointing towards me at the doorstep. Nevertheless, I tried my best to contain my feelings until I went out.
"I dont like it n i dont like u. Fucking disgusting." "Buto tu cincin buang pat aetos sudah. Ngan kau skali aku buang. Fucking worthless shit." That was what you replied me. Sounds harsh? I guess not, cause it didn't happen to you.
You will never understand the struggles I faced all these while. I was utterly sad and heartbroken to know it came from you. Your "pillar of hope" suddenly became a piece of shit who doesn't mean anything in your life. Like a trash. One can never understand how deeply affected I was, crying all the way back home. You will never know how many times I cried because of your harsh words. Neither did you realize I had been giving you a lot of chances to mend your ways too (I doubt anyone would be able to tolerate it too). I could've walk away long time ago but I chose not to cause I know you gave me chances for me to change. I did, what about you? It felt like I'm really useless in your life even if you're gonna say you said those things out of anger. You will never feel what I feel.
I was always the one to make the first move to settle any problems between us. No one asked me to do this - there's a word called initiative. Communication, understanding and trust are essential in relationships. I believe one day you'll do the same thing too.
Is that why you chose to take advantage of me? Cause you know in every breakups or arguments I will come back to you. The more I came running towards you, the more you pushed me away. Is that the reason why you have never come back for me, knowing I'll make the first move? Because I feel that way. It's sad to know I'm putting in a lot of effort to make things right all the time.
I waited 2 years for you. It may be just 5 days in camp but there wasn't a day where I didn't miss you. You told me you will not ask for breakups as and when you wish. You told me you will try to stop using harsh words on me. I thought it might end for good, but I was wrong.
Yesterday's incident made me feel I was somehow underappreciated. How confident are you that I will come back for you again? Everyone has their own limits. One day if I finally decided to walk away, there will be no turning back. I've done more than I could, saving our relationship every single time cause of love and I don't expect anything in return. All I'm asking is for you to at least appreciate me. Respect me as your girlfriend, not a casual friend where you can call them whatever you want when you're angry. I have feelings too. If I can respect you as a partner, why can't you. If you don't like to be called names, don't do it to others cause if you can't handle them, it shows how plain selfish you are.
You've always told me to put myself in your shoes. I did, that's why I am who I am now. Now it is your turn to put yourself in my shoes. How would you feel being called names, being rejected by your own partner, taking the initiative to make things right and apologizing when you shouldn't? We have our own sacrifices, but if it's repeating over and over again, something must be done to put to a stop - settling them in a good manner and talk things out.
I really, really hope you do a self-reflection on this. I've done mine, which explains why I'm able to understand you more now. Hope you do the same thing too. Cause I feel its seriously rude to call your partner that way. I nak u sedar selama ni I diam tak bermaksud I takde perasaan. Boleh makan diri jugak.
If you really love and care for me, you will try to mend your ways.
On a side note, congrats on your ORD. (:
And Happy 115th Monthsary. Love you as per usual.
Goodnight.
Eppachooluv
4:04 AM
4:04 AM
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Happy 9th Anniversary Love! It's been 9 years since we've
known each other. We grow up together since primary school and look where we
are now. Time flies whenever I am with you. Despite the bad times when we had
an argument, it didn’t even occur to me to leave this relationship hanging even
though you asked for break ups. I am not bringing up the past but I’m trying to
say that I really treasure this relationship, not because I won’t have anyone
to talk to if you were to leave me but because you are already my other half.
You can say I might be a bit too young to say this, I would want to spend my
life with you if we are destined to be together. The best part of our relationship
is that we build everything from scratch and we can communicate with each other
about anything – although sometimes it did end up with an argument. I love how
we can still go out without having much money when both of us were still
schooling because it simply shows that money doesn’t define happiness. I admire
our relationship as we still managed to be ourselves and do everything as per
normal despite the constraints that we faced. These little things made us
stronger to overcome any possible threats or problems that might happen in the
future.
Serving the nation had made you changed to a much mature
guy, honestly. You’re more open-minded now and able to accept advices from the
people around you and I really love how you managed to overcome obstacles while
you’re in camp or outfield - how you
motivated your section mates, how you helped them when they almost fall out,
basically the sacrifices you did for them. Most importantly, your achievements
throughout NS, I’m a very proud girlfriend. I might show that I’m not
interested in hearing your stories but believe me when I said I love it. Maybe
because of my default face that made u think that way. 7 months from now
everything will be back to normal yay! While you’re in camp, you never fail to
cheer me up and motivate me whenever I faced any downfalls. I remembered
vividly the day I got my results and I failed Mechanics. I really broke down as
I was devastated despite the amount of effort I’ve put in the module. Those
motivational words from you really motivated me to do better.
For all of the things you’ve done for me, I could see that
it’s sincere. I apologise if I am demanding at times and too harsh on you. I am
truly sorry I didn’t buy anything for you for our anniversary. I wanted to but I’ve
overspent. I try to get something for you when I have the money okay. And before
I end this post, you have to know how much I need you in my life. In spite of
the way I treated you, you were patient towards me and I will never forget
that. Thank you for everything. Even if there are millions of guys who are
better than you, I will still choose you because no one else can replace you.
You’re simply the best. What would I do without you right?
So to end this, I wanna wish you Happy Anniversary! I
apologise if my post isn’t convincing enough to prove how deep is my love
towards you. May our relationship be blessed and I pray everything that we have
planned goes well. May our love never end. I’ll always pray for your safety
especially in Australia for the next two weeks. All the best for the upcoming
tasks/missions/obstacles over there. Do your best and make your parents proud. Make
sure to return to Singapore with good news. I love you. Happy Anniversary!
Eppachooluv
12:46 AM
12:46 AM
