Sunday, May 21, 2017
I had tried to be as understanding as possible all these while. I tried to understand you needed some sleep after hanging out with your friends till morning.
Where did I go wrong till I deserved that kind of treatment? Don't you think you were at fault? Was this the first time it happened? You can see it for yourself, the difference in the way we talked when we were not in good terms with each other.
Just because I scolded you right after you woke up, it ruined your mood. You will never notice my efforts to make you happy. I even planned everything for you since you were the "prince" on that day. Not to mention that what I said to you was exactly the same thing you once told me. I was using back the same words you called me (I'm fucked up, tak gune). I don't think you even realized how harsh it sounded when you called me that every single time. You can see it for yourself how pissed off you were, but what about me? It's really plain selfish. You used those words on me as if it's nothing but when it comes to my turn, you acted like I was verbally abusing you big time. So am I supposed to apologize? No. I've been way too strong to harbor my feelings. It's one sided. It's unfair.
Yes I am rough physically, but you will never know how fragile I am. You will never understand the sadness I felt upon reading your messages. The guy whom I thought has changed had gone back to his old ways. It's not about triggering but rather how you react to the situation. If I can mend my ways of being unreasonable and demanding back then, I don't see the reason why can't you. Words will never describe how disappointed, heartbroken, sad I felt to be called names again. If you can't take it with the way I spoke otp, think again. I've been called that numerous times, yet I still put a smile on my face and tell myself it was my mistake (though sometimes i'm not at fault at all). I've been giving in too much, just letting you know if you feel you're the one who's always sacrificing. Just count the number of times you and I apologized, you'll notice the big gap.
Love has no boundaries, you're willing to do anything for your loved ones. I bought you a shirt that day, gave you back your ring as promised. I came to your house to pass them to you. I could pass them the next time but I felt it won't be special anymore. I tried to put up a brave front. What did I get in return? A middle finger pointing towards me at the doorstep. Nevertheless, I tried my best to contain my feelings until I went out.
"I dont like it n i dont like u. Fucking disgusting." "Buto tu cincin buang pat aetos sudah. Ngan kau skali aku buang. Fucking worthless shit." That was what you replied me. Sounds harsh? I guess not, cause it didn't happen to you.
You will never understand the struggles I faced all these while. I was utterly sad and heartbroken to know it came from you. Your "pillar of hope" suddenly became a piece of shit who doesn't mean anything in your life. Like a trash. One can never understand how deeply affected I was, crying all the way back home. You will never know how many times I cried because of your harsh words. Neither did you realize I had been giving you a lot of chances to mend your ways too (I doubt anyone would be able to tolerate it too). I could've walk away long time ago but I chose not to cause I know you gave me chances for me to change. I did, what about you? It felt like I'm really useless in your life even if you're gonna say you said those things out of anger. You will never feel what I feel.
I was always the one to make the first move to settle any problems between us. No one asked me to do this - there's a word called initiative. Communication, understanding and trust are essential in relationships. I believe one day you'll do the same thing too.
Is that why you chose to take advantage of me? Cause you know in every breakups or arguments I will come back to you. The more I came running towards you, the more you pushed me away. Is that the reason why you have never come back for me, knowing I'll make the first move? Because I feel that way. It's sad to know I'm putting in a lot of effort to make things right all the time.
I waited 2 years for you. It may be just 5 days in camp but there wasn't a day where I didn't miss you. You told me you will not ask for breakups as and when you wish. You told me you will try to stop using harsh words on me. I thought it might end for good, but I was wrong.
Yesterday's incident made me feel I was somehow underappreciated. How confident are you that I will come back for you again? Everyone has their own limits. One day if I finally decided to walk away, there will be no turning back. I've done more than I could, saving our relationship every single time cause of love and I don't expect anything in return. All I'm asking is for you to at least appreciate me. Respect me as your girlfriend, not a casual friend where you can call them whatever you want when you're angry. I have feelings too. If I can respect you as a partner, why can't you. If you don't like to be called names, don't do it to others cause if you can't handle them, it shows how plain selfish you are.
You've always told me to put myself in your shoes. I did, that's why I am who I am now. Now it is your turn to put yourself in my shoes. How would you feel being called names, being rejected by your own partner, taking the initiative to make things right and apologizing when you shouldn't? We have our own sacrifices, but if it's repeating over and over again, something must be done to put to a stop - settling them in a good manner and talk things out.
I really, really hope you do a self-reflection on this. I've done mine, which explains why I'm able to understand you more now. Hope you do the same thing too. Cause I feel its seriously rude to call your partner that way. I nak u sedar selama ni I diam tak bermaksud I takde perasaan. Boleh makan diri jugak.
If you really love and care for me, you will try to mend your ways.
On a side note, congrats on your ORD. (:
Friday 19th.
Where do I start from... let's start off with the text message.
Everything was sweet and sounded sincere. It made me happy seeing your changes.
It made me feel excited to see you after school, to celebrate the big day -
115th monthsary and your ord. I thought that that was one of the happiest days
in our lives. Until that afternoon.
I don't see any reason why I should apologize. Don't you think you
should be the one doing it? I'll help you refresh your memory in case you
forgot. You told me to call at 2pm so that you could fetch me from school.
(Should go out by 3pm cause I ended at 4pm right?) I called. Then you whatsapp
me saying you'll go out at 330 instead, fine I don't mind even tho I was
disappointed. At least I could meet you somewhere along the mrt stations. Then
I called you at 415 while I was walking towards woodlands mrt. You answered,
and you were still at home sleeping.
Now tell me, which part did I do wrong? Was I wrong for scolding
for not keeping up your promises? Was this the first time something like this
happened? Did you even think before you speak? Did you even realize what you
were saying? No. You were just plain selfish. All you cared was yourself. You
didn't spare a thought for me at all.
You had no idea how I used to rush to fetch you from camp if I
wasn't schooling. You had no idea how I used to rush from school just to travel
to the east to meet you. Every Friday without fail, I will try my very best to
reach on time. I was always looking forward to meet you. During the holidays,
you will never know how I rushed to bring food for you so you could eat them after
bookout. Despite having a few hours of sleep regularly, I always told myself it's
gonna be worth it - afterall I'm not doing this for anyone else. The meals I
made for you might be simple, but I had to wake up 4 hours before reaching camp
(1.5 hours travelling time, 45 mins getting ready, 1 hr 45 mins to cook). Most
of the time I had to wake up even earlier to do housework too (drying clothes)
which took a total of 2 hours. Calculate everything and it will add up to
almost 5-6 hours before your bookout time. Still, I managed to reach on time.
I had tried to be as understanding as possible all these while. I tried to understand you needed some sleep after hanging out with your friends till morning.
Where did I go wrong till I deserved that kind of treatment? Don't you think you were at fault? Was this the first time it happened? You can see it for yourself, the difference in the way we talked when we were not in good terms with each other.
Just because I scolded you right after you woke up, it ruined your mood. You will never notice my efforts to make you happy. I even planned everything for you since you were the "prince" on that day. Not to mention that what I said to you was exactly the same thing you once told me. I was using back the same words you called me (I'm fucked up, tak gune). I don't think you even realized how harsh it sounded when you called me that every single time. You can see it for yourself how pissed off you were, but what about me? It's really plain selfish. You used those words on me as if it's nothing but when it comes to my turn, you acted like I was verbally abusing you big time. So am I supposed to apologize? No. I've been way too strong to harbor my feelings. It's one sided. It's unfair.
Yes I am rough physically, but you will never know how fragile I am. You will never understand the sadness I felt upon reading your messages. The guy whom I thought has changed had gone back to his old ways. It's not about triggering but rather how you react to the situation. If I can mend my ways of being unreasonable and demanding back then, I don't see the reason why can't you. Words will never describe how disappointed, heartbroken, sad I felt to be called names again. If you can't take it with the way I spoke otp, think again. I've been called that numerous times, yet I still put a smile on my face and tell myself it was my mistake (though sometimes i'm not at fault at all). I've been giving in too much, just letting you know if you feel you're the one who's always sacrificing. Just count the number of times you and I apologized, you'll notice the big gap.
Love has no boundaries, you're willing to do anything for your loved ones. I bought you a shirt that day, gave you back your ring as promised. I came to your house to pass them to you. I could pass them the next time but I felt it won't be special anymore. I tried to put up a brave front. What did I get in return? A middle finger pointing towards me at the doorstep. Nevertheless, I tried my best to contain my feelings until I went out.
"I dont like it n i dont like u. Fucking disgusting." "Buto tu cincin buang pat aetos sudah. Ngan kau skali aku buang. Fucking worthless shit." That was what you replied me. Sounds harsh? I guess not, cause it didn't happen to you.
You will never understand the struggles I faced all these while. I was utterly sad and heartbroken to know it came from you. Your "pillar of hope" suddenly became a piece of shit who doesn't mean anything in your life. Like a trash. One can never understand how deeply affected I was, crying all the way back home. You will never know how many times I cried because of your harsh words. Neither did you realize I had been giving you a lot of chances to mend your ways too (I doubt anyone would be able to tolerate it too). I could've walk away long time ago but I chose not to cause I know you gave me chances for me to change. I did, what about you? It felt like I'm really useless in your life even if you're gonna say you said those things out of anger. You will never feel what I feel.
I was always the one to make the first move to settle any problems between us. No one asked me to do this - there's a word called initiative. Communication, understanding and trust are essential in relationships. I believe one day you'll do the same thing too.
Is that why you chose to take advantage of me? Cause you know in every breakups or arguments I will come back to you. The more I came running towards you, the more you pushed me away. Is that the reason why you have never come back for me, knowing I'll make the first move? Because I feel that way. It's sad to know I'm putting in a lot of effort to make things right all the time.
I waited 2 years for you. It may be just 5 days in camp but there wasn't a day where I didn't miss you. You told me you will not ask for breakups as and when you wish. You told me you will try to stop using harsh words on me. I thought it might end for good, but I was wrong.
Yesterday's incident made me feel I was somehow underappreciated. How confident are you that I will come back for you again? Everyone has their own limits. One day if I finally decided to walk away, there will be no turning back. I've done more than I could, saving our relationship every single time cause of love and I don't expect anything in return. All I'm asking is for you to at least appreciate me. Respect me as your girlfriend, not a casual friend where you can call them whatever you want when you're angry. I have feelings too. If I can respect you as a partner, why can't you. If you don't like to be called names, don't do it to others cause if you can't handle them, it shows how plain selfish you are.
You've always told me to put myself in your shoes. I did, that's why I am who I am now. Now it is your turn to put yourself in my shoes. How would you feel being called names, being rejected by your own partner, taking the initiative to make things right and apologizing when you shouldn't? We have our own sacrifices, but if it's repeating over and over again, something must be done to put to a stop - settling them in a good manner and talk things out.
I really, really hope you do a self-reflection on this. I've done mine, which explains why I'm able to understand you more now. Hope you do the same thing too. Cause I feel its seriously rude to call your partner that way. I nak u sedar selama ni I diam tak bermaksud I takde perasaan. Boleh makan diri jugak.
If you really love and care for me, you will try to mend your ways.
On a side note, congrats on your ORD. (:
And Happy 115th Monthsary. Love you as per usual.
Goodnight.
Eppachooluv
4:04 AM
4:04 AM
